Love is a give and take agreement. It stands to reason that your mate would want to do what you enjoy, if not all the time, at least some of the times. I don’t really care for basketball, but my mate is a die-hard Knicks fan, sometimes I watch the games. When I watch a drama, I want my lovers company. It doesn’t always happen though.
I think after giving so much of me over the years my heart has hardened and I just go through the motions. In the beginning of a relationship people do things to put a smile on your face. Take you out, to plays, dinner, boat rides. Buy you flowers, gifts of jewels. You’re sexually desired. After they have you in their illusion of love, they only do things to make you happy as long as it doesn’t inconvenience them. Like not going to a concert because you don’t like the crowds, or you to the beach because you don’t like the sand. When you have true love, you do things to make your partner happy, to put a smile on their face and love in their heart.
In a relationship we should be willing to compromise to bring happiness to the one you care about, and the favor should be returned.
I believe our objective in life is to be happy, if not all the time at least most of the time. Every bit of happiness should be quality happiness. If you find that someone that makes you happy, you should want to make him or her happy also. But not at the expense of your own happiness, you shouldn’t be the only one compromising and giving.
Some believe if they give they are being used, or taken advantage of. They don’t know any better. They’ve been hurt and want to hurt before they get hurt. Love is trust and once you’ve been hurt you fear love and never truly love. You just don’t know what love is. You think having a companion satisfies you heart. Usually women keep believing in love, and keep taking chances and keep getting hurt. Men build a wall around their heart and usually want to dominate the relationship to prevent the pain. Woman will take the short, to appease the man’s fragile ego. This is the rule but there are the exceptions. Women can be cold and heartless and men soft and loving. It depends on how you’ve loved and been loved in return.
Closed-minded people who have been hurt, used, abused and taken advantage, of usually believe the next person they get into a relationship with will do them the same. You are compared, questioned and not trusted. I guess it’s only natural. We all need to realize we are all different; we look different, talk different and even act different. It’s unfair to judge someone on a pass relationship. We end up falling into a trap of trying to prove we are not the same and along the way we lose ourselves in trying. We lose sight of what makes ourselves happy, we begin to believe what makes our mate happy is what makes us happy.
When rockets stop exploding and lighting the sky, and just whistles and pops we realize something is missing. You start to question what your mate has done to accommodate your happiness. You want to know what you need and want in your life to make you happy. When it’s not provided you may develop resentment. Love starts to fade and eventually dies. Once a relationship begins to turn bitter, it’s hard to add enough sugar and cream to make it sweet again. What this actually says is that love may have never been there.
Making work relationships is hard. You have to tend to it with care, give it the right nutriments to make it strong, know when it needs a rest and when it’s playtime.
I have never been formally married, (hope to have a wedding one day), however I’ve been to enough weddings to respect the vows, to love, honor and cherish, (fuck obey), in sickness and in health and forsaking all others, until death do us part. There always come a time when something in the relationship goes wrong and we seek advice from mother, brother or other. They usually hear one side of the story; yours and they often give their opinion in your favor. It’s good for helping you feel better. But can anyone really know what’s going on in your relationship? So keep the vow of forsaking others, your love should be number one priority. Don’t you think? I mean once you let an outsider in your relationship you now have a ménage a toi’ without the pleasure.
I’m submissive and non-confrontational, so I usually step back and lock my feelings deep inside myself. Deep, down in a dark solidarity confinement dungeon, that even I can’t find the key to unlock the hurt and loneliness. I don’t write love poems anymore and find the old ones boring and fake. I have become disillusion by love.
My views on love are cynical and when I read love poems I understand the passion and deep emotions, I just don’t feel it. This is not to say I don’t wish to have the fireworks bursting in my life again. I just don’t think it’s going to happen. I’m at an age where bullshit has to take a long walk in the opposite direction. The rockets would just fizzle and pop. I would love to have strong arms around me, receive passionate kisses and have starry eyes gaze into mine. To have a hand holding the back of my neck, fingers running through my hair a palm on my cheek. I would die to have someone desire to make love to me. But those things die in relationships. Surprise gifts of things I want instead of things I need. Hell I’m your woman, not your child or mother. A case of Kotex is not a surprise. I’m almost fifty and I was never given a ring, a friendship, engagement or wedding band.
Everyone has faults, some you can live with some you can’t. You have to weigh the good verses the bad; no one can give you the answer because only you know the answer.
I’ve had deep passion in my life, but I always wanted more, I always gave too much and expected the same in return and when it lack I become distant. My meaningful relationships were as follow, one who spent his life in prison, one that too much pride, one that loved drugs more and one who loves drinking in the bar more. So that great love affair and passion aint going to happen for me, I blew my chances. So now I cry at weddings and sappy love story movies.
copyright K. Wilhelmina Floria 07/15/08
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